One thing I have never doubted, though, is that there is an afterlife. I refuse to accept that this is it: we arrive on earth, mess about for several decades - if we’re lucky - and then off you pop, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Seems like a waste to me. In my opinion, the soul is infinitely more significant and more powerful than the body, and so the obvious conclusion is that it will live on once our physical existence is no more. That’s where ‘heaven’ comes in.
My friend Amy and I had a lot of fun discussing what ‘heaven’ may be this evening, hence why I’m writing this blog. We both settled on the idea that heaven would be different for everyone: there’s so much diversity in the world, how could it not? Which leads to….
A Brief Visit to Amy’s Personal Heaven!
Don’t get too comfy guys, as I’m not planning on coming here for a long while yet (plus, you’re not all invited).
Okay, so firstly I’m hoping there’ll be some sort of introduction period. “Hi, I’m God, any questions?” Why yes, yes I have many. Then we’ll sit down and have a chat about what the meaning of life is/was, and He’ll show me a comprehensive slide show of how the world and space and humans and animals were created. Then we’ll watch a video montage of my ‘best bits’ with friends and family who are already up there. I’ll feel content and peaceful, and I won't even mind if my death meant that I’d missed the X Factor final, or whatever it was at the time, because heaven would be THAT GOOD.
Then we get to arguably the most fantastic thing about heaven: the celebrities. Of course we’ll get the chance to have a meet and greet with our deceased idols, much like you get to meet Mickey Mouse in Disney World. I imagine they’ll be in demand, so there will probably be some sort of a system, like in Alton Towers. “The queuing time for Princess Diana now stands at 13 years, please take a ticket. Alternatively, priority passes are available for war heroes and gingers. You may also be interested in Mother Teresa…”. I’ll sign up for a chat with Jane Austen (we’ll go to a quaint little cafe and eat a large chunk of homemade coffee cake while discussing men). I’ll also book a time slot with Heath Ledger to talk about, y’know… films and stuff… um, yeah…
Amy and I both made a collage of what would be in our personal heaven. Here’s mine:
As you can see, Russell Brand features quite prominently. Without sounding like a stalker freak, I’m more than willing to spend an eternity in his presence. He’s got to have one of the most enchanting souls that has ever roamed the planet and would totally bring in the LOLz while we float along on our fluffy nimbus. Hey Russ, CALL ME!
Chocolate waffles with bananas and strawberries. Moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips! Oh wait, I DON’T HAVE ANY! Watch my spirit eat as much of this shit as it can handle. Just watch it.
Jane Austen - see above.
Mum and select friends and family. My mum is horrified that I used the word ‘select’, but I’m not letting any old riff-raff in. The last thing I want is people harshing my mellow up there. We’ll work out a points system or something. A sticker chart: 10 gold stars and you’re in. Something like that.
The entire Harry Potter cast, the Harry Potter series, and JK Rowling herself. I’d also like a Hogwarts, a Hogwarts Express, a Diagon Alley, a Hogsmede, and the Weasley Burrow in my heaven. (“People who read Harry Potter will go to hell! Magic is the work of Satan!” - oh do shut up. I’ve worked hard for this afterlife, let me have my wizards).
Books. A beautiful library full of all of my favourite books. Bliss.
An African sunset. Although this actually symbolises world travel in general. Yeah, I want the whole WORLD in my heaven. I want the freedom to drop in on places whenever I feel like it. I'm a freakin' floaty spirit, I can roam the planet if I so wish.
God. Yes, I know that’s Morgan Freeman’s representation of God in 'Bruce Almighty', but c’mon, he nailed that role.
Central Park! My beautiful New York. That’s where I want to spend most of my time in heaven, with my select friends and family.
All pets past, present and future (on the condition Toby behaves himself). We all know Toby went through a ‘phase’ where he was a biter. There’ll be none of that. Although it shouldn’t be a problem as I suppose souls can’t bite. Kinda banking on the fact I’ll see my beloved Mickey again, so fingers crossed for this one. (“Ho ho ho - animals don’t have souls! You won’t be seeing them in heaven!” - again, shut the fuck up. I’ll have you know my chestnut agouti Lionhead rabbit Willow had more of a soul than every person that has ever been on ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid’, so there).
I’ll probably spend the next few weeks remembering things that I’d like in my own personal heaven; already I’m kicking myself for not including rollercoasters - rookie mistake. And Christmas: I still want snow and baubles in heaven. Zumba is another one, because what is heaven without the Reggae march? But I imagine the moves would be a little tricky without a body. There will be things that I don’t even know I want yet, too, that will be added to my personal in heaven in time. I’m looking forward to finding out what those things are.
Realistically, heaven will probably be nothing like this. It may also seem like a morbid thing for a young person in good health to be thinking about, but it was actually very cathartic. It makes me less afraid of the inevitable. As Dumbledore says: “After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure...”
