Gotta be honest, I hadn’t planned on watching Big Brother this year. I used to be a massive fan, but gave it a rest the past few years because I couldn’t abide watching a bunch of Playboy-chasing girls and deep-as-a-puddle guys prance around for a few weeks. And if I had to endure another ‘showmance’ (Chiggy, anyone?) I would break my telly. I watched the entrance, and planned on leaving it there.
This all changed when I got in one night and mum squealed at me, as soon as I walked through the door: “Amy! You MUST watch the repeat of tonight’s Big Brother - one of the girls said she’d POOED herself! It was soooo funny!” Of course this girl was Josie. And I must clear up that she didn’t actually poo herself, it was part of the Tree task where she had to collect the shoes.
So I watched that episode, and the other episodes I had missed so far, and ended up becoming more obsessed and involved in BB11 than ever before. For the first time ever I watched live feed. A lot. And by ‘a lot’ I mean pretty much 24/7. I have some very understanding friends and family (and a vitamin D deficiency).
I’m certain I won’t remember the names or faces of all 21 housemates who passed through the doors this time next year, but for me (and many others) there are three people who made Big Brother 11 memorable. Let’s start with…
Sammy Pepper
I wanted to ring his neck for the first couple of days, gotta be said. He seemed like a proper little shit and I was seething when he was saying nasty things about Josie.
But then… well, then he smoothed me RIGHT over.
Sam’s like a mischievous, lovable little kid that you know is being really naughty but is too damn charming for you to stay mad at. He’s absolutely brimming with life and fun, says what he likes and likes what he says - the perfect housemate. On more than one occasion I literally could not breathe for laughing at him; the ninja outfit, the water bombs, the lentils all over the living room, the song he sang to Josie, rocking under the washing stand mumbling “too much coffee” - all legendary. It’s now become one of my dreams to own a piece of original Sam Pepper origami. I dream BIG!
I am willing to sell my left kidney to get him in Ultimate BB. Just putting that out there. I’M NOT READY TO SAY BYE TO PEPPERPOT!
John James
Let’s just get one thing straight: it ain’t always easy being a John James fan. Whilst most of the time we can all see the sooooo handsome super lush guy that Josie loves, sometimes you can’t help but thinking he’d benefit from breathing into a brown paper bag and counting to ten. Perhaps listening to a whale song CD from time to time, too.
But, in all honesty, I couldn’t give a rip what anyone else says. Underneath it all Skippy is lovely, sensitive, sweet, with admirable morals, and he actually doesn’t get enough credit for how funny he is! He often said what needed to be said, and even when “getting angry now”, I still liked him - at least he was honest.
The moment when he changed into his football shirt when JJ entered the house… well, for that I’ll love him forever!
P.S. I quite enjoyed the showers too. Cooooor lovelaaaay etc etc.
Josie Diane Shirley Gibson-Parton... oh sorry, did I slip?!
The nation’s favourite South West sex pest. It’s hard to know where to begin.
I don’t know of one person who hasn’t fallen for the Josie charm. For starters she’s just effortlessly hilarious - I’ll be quoting her one liners for years (don’t worry about piddling your pants love, you’ve made me piss myself laughing more than once). She’s drop dead stunninglicious without having the foggiest idea. She doesn’t sit and pointlessly bad mouth people, because she’d much rather spend her time being positive. She was kind, loving and caring to everyone in the house. Josie is every girl’s ideal number one mucker: she follows the rules of sisterhood to a tee, unlike some of the housemates, not mentioning any names (starts with ‘Cao’ and ends in ‘bitch’). It’s almost indefinable, but there’s just a special Josie glow that draws people in, and is very hard to find.
We love her. That’s all there is to it.
But perhaps the thing that made this Big Brother so special was that, out of no-where, we were suddenly watching two people fall in love. The real stuff, not the ‘I’m ready for my close-up’ stuff. Although in many ways opposites, not least geographically, Triple J just… fit. They truly bring out the best in each other. The emotions they displayed were genuine and tender, and watching them slowly realise that their feelings for one other went beyond just friendship (or, so help me God, ‘brother and sister’ - give it a rest) was rather beautiful; it was quite a privilege for us viewers to be a part of it (if a little voyeuristic at times!). Even when they bickered, we all knew it wouldn’t be long before we witnessed Return of the Doona and we could all put the Prozac down. I really, really hope they hold onto that pure, unspoiled love for one another once they get back in the real world. It’s too hard to find and too good to risk for anything.
Another thing that made Big Brother a barrel of laughs this year: Twitter. As none of my Real Life friends are particularly crazy about BB, it was great to make a whole load of Twitter friends who are. It’s nice to see so many lovely people brought together over a mutual interest like this - typical Josie, she had us all making friends without even realising it. The witty banter between the #BB11 bunch was a lot of fun - so thank you, Twitter family! It’s funny, I’ve only had one bad experience on Twitter, and that was from a male John James hater who called me a “fucking idiotic bitch” for liking someone who was “so disrespectful to women”. The irony still makes me chuckle. ;-)
Tonight is the final of Big Brother 11, and the end of the show as we know it. I know with complete certainty that Josie will win, and I’m thrilled that such an amazing show is ending on a high note.
Pretty soon I’ll have to do all the things I’ve been putting off in the name of live feed. I’ll have to make a start on one of the 837 books I must read in preparation for my final year at Uni. My friends will start getting replies to their texts on the same day they sent them. Hell, my dog might even get a walk.
But for now I’m going to paint my nails lilac, pour a glass of Shloer, and watch BB11 go out with a bang. Am I lovin’ it? You better believe it kid.
Things my BB11 addiction has taught me:
1) It is possible to entertain a group of summer school kids aged 10-11 years old despite averaging on around 3 hours sleep per night. Although by 4pm home time you will want to kill yourself a little bit.
2) There are approximately 297 excuses not to leave the house when Big Brother is on. I have used all of them with vigour.
3) Never, EVER, call someone ‘crab eyes’. It WILL end in tears.
4) First impressions can be very, very wrong. (I owe you an apology Pepperpot).
5) I have very understanding friends. (They do think I’m a bit weird though).
6) Brizzle is, in fact, the shizzle.
7) Tree of Temptation is worth his weight in varnish. *swoons over the Tree*
8) Flash floods look well fun. I want one.
9) There’s a reason why mother warned me about men with monobrows.
10) I better hide the phone bill this month. 09011 323 008. Again and again and again and again and… *repeat to fade*.
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